This is a post I have been thinking about writing for quite some time because I have a lot of thoughts on this issue the reasons why may be obvious from the rest of this post and I wanted to get them down and get some feedback from other Muslims. Here is how I want to focus this topic:. No matter your background, an interracial marriage will be met with obstacles on both sides. It is especially the case for the generation of people whose parents were immigrants, and they themselves were raised here. To even broach the idea of an interracial marriage will spring forth year old stereotypes of other cultures you never even knew existed. It is particularly sad when these are directed at other Muslim groups. MuslimMatters has been a free service to the community since
How do I find a Muslim woman outside my race and what was the steps you took. May Allah bless your marriage brother. When I spoke to the brother, I told him that what he was doing is haram and that if he wants to get to know the sister then he MUST approach her guardian and talking to her secretly and intimately is wrong.
Muhammad, the story you spoke about unfortunately happens all the time. I hear stories of born Muslims dating non Muslims all the time.
All you have to do is read the advice section on this website and you will read stories of born Muslims who are engaging in the same haram practices as this brother you spoke of. As a matter of fact, you will probably see more of this coming from born Muslims.
If the sister who was involved with this brother was grounded in Islam then she would never have allowed this to go on. Brother, we have to treat each person according to his or her character. What is their level of commitment to their deen.
When I looked for a wife I wanted someone who I could also learn from. That meant that she had to be grounded in Islam. If you look for those characteristics then you will never go wrong. Muhammad, we have to do our best to educate those around us who are engaging in these acts.
But that training really begins in the home. Believe me brother the way you approached your potentiel spouse 9 years ago is highly uncommon!! Most will build a secret relationship with the sister before approaching - simplybeyondexpectations.com. Also sometimes what can happen is that the brother and sister can pretend that they burly know each other when the borther presents himself to - simplybeyondexpectations.com.
All the brothers and sisters who pull off this filthy stunt must know that Allah SWT is all seeing all knowing and they should worry about that before anything.
All who try to pull this stunt will fail because the borther and sister, especially the sister will not be able to hide her emotions and - simplybeyondexpectations.com can easily tell that his daughter was involved in a relationship. Muhammad, you and I are on the same page. Just like you, not only have I heard about these problems but I have also witnessed them. We have to go through the correct process when it comes to marriage. This is not something that we should take lightly.
As for me personally I choose to marry someone of my own background, because beside deen and character which the most important thing to consider when choosing a spouse I choose to add to that.
Stay strong. We know that unfortunately racism does exist and there is no getting around it. As much as you were hoping to get married to the sister that you had a connection with Allah has something better in store for you.
What you are telling me now are the same issues I experienced when I first contacted you. As for my situation, it took some work to make it happen. After meeting my brother in-law in NY, the decision to get married was finalized.
A marriage between different cultures can work but it takes a commitment to make it work. It sounds like your parents raised you well. Insha Allah you will be guided to the person who is just right for. Brother Wali Carter I too am surprised of your marriage to a Pakistani woman and so very happy Alhumdolilah that you are both happy and content.
I am a white american sister who is divorced from a Pakistani man. We really did not have much trouble with cultural differences, our troubles were with personalities and deenAll that aside, I do believe that inter-racial and inter- cultures can work and be very successful It all a matter of the 2 people involved and the respect each shows for the other.
Brother Wael, it hurts me that you or anyone else had to face rejection due to race. I have been through it also in sense. Basically I was told I was not muslim enough because I was not raised muslim. And I am sorry that you were told such a thing, teresa.
Aug 15, Specifically, I'm talking about a racial hierarchy of dating that some dating websites, such as OKCupid, have published data on. Except within the Muslim-American community, parents play a much larger role in mitigating potential interracial relationships, which in turn ends up shaping the racial hierarchy that prevails in these dating trends. Dec 15, Very common, depending on where you are and depending on what you define as "race." First off, there is nothing in Islam that discourages interracial marriages, as long as the two participants are Muslim. The Prophet himself married women from ot. Apr 06, It is unfortunate that this ct of an interracial marriage is often the most overlooked despite the heavy emphasis in Islam on preserving the family ties. Deen may very well be an extremely strong bond in preserving your marriage, but does that same bond exist with your spouse's parents, uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews Reviews:
They are confusing Islam with their own nationality or culture. SubhanAllah, the Sahabah themselves were converts from idol worship and polytheism. Brother Wali Carter: you said that you are an african american married to a pakistani sister?
How did that happen? Anyway, out of curiosity are you a fair-skinned aa? I mean I have never seen that type of marriage. I prefer my kids to have one identity and I want to speak my language with my husband at home. I feel like I would have to compromise some of mine.
I just feel it would make things too complicated. I am west african by the way. Even marrying someone from another country would not be ideal for me, but Allah knows best.
Maybe my future husband Allah has in store for me is not from my ethnic group, but I just hope he is. Sister Khadija, yes I am married to a Pakistani woman. How did it happen? It was from Allah.
My intent was not to find a Pakistani wife. I was not looking for a wife from any particular ethnic group. I asked Allah swt to give me a wife who was knowledgeable in her deen, and someone who could not only be my friend but also my wife. I was specific. I wanted someone who I could learn from.
This way we could grow in Islam together. Also, if there are going to be children who will teach them? I do know of another African American brother who is married to a Pakistani woman. So it does happen. When you ask how did that happen, I do understand your question. My wife and I were in contact with each other for quite a while through e-mail.
I understood that most Indian and Pakistani families would not allow their daughter to marry into another culture. A few days later I received a phone call from Saudi Arabia, that is where she was living at the time it was her eldest sister. She told me that all they cared about was that I was a good Muslim and that I could provide for their sister. My mind was made up after that. So sister Khadija, the most important thing is to ask Allah for a good Muslim man.
Culture should not be an issue. If you marry a brother who is not from your culture what makes you think that your child will not learn your language? That is up to you to continue that legacy. Your husband should be happy that your culture is still a part of your life. However, your culture should not be mistaken for religion. He should also be willing to learn from you as well a you learning from him.
How Young Muslims Define 'Halal Dating' For Themselves
If he is not open to that, you should discuss this before marriage then continue looking until you find the right person. Remember, Allah knows best. Ask for a good Muslim man, and be specific about the character of this person. What type of Muslim is he and how will he treat his family? How does he treat his neighbor? Is he firm in his religion? That means he takes a balanced approach in the practice of his religion. Not too extreme in either direction. If you keep that in mind I believe that Allah will give you what you are looking for.
If your culture dictates the type of spouse you want as opposed to what Allah wants then you will not choose the best Muslim for yourself. Me n my boyfrend are deeply in love. They humiliate and beat them.
Interracial Marriages in Islam. I hear stories of born Muslims dating non Muslims all the time. All you have to do is read the advice section on this website and you will read stories of born Muslims who are engaging in the same haram practices as this brother you spoke of. I know in Islam you should respect your parents but also in. Nation of Islam leader Minister Louis Farrakhan comments on Black people's obsession with dating and marrying outside of their race. In the short excerpt from Sunday's Oct. 30 sermon, the. Apr 20, How Young Muslims Define 'Halal Dating' For Themselves: Code Switch Young Muslims find a middle ground for fostering romantic relationships between what is permissible and what is .
Wish me luck. My culture never mattered to me as much as it does to my family because I disagree with many things and I look at it differently, I only see Islam as the right basis of living life. So I decided for myself to find someone who has got the same intentions as me, who wants to please God. Inshallah, I wish everyone the right guidance, happiness and forgiveness.
I am converted to Islam living here in the Philippines. I have a Saudi fiance for six years who lives in Saudi. I nedd answers Thanks. I think the problem is not about different races. In South Asia; Muslims live in the same culture. Still there are separate colonies for those who are native and those who think they are Arabs and Mughals.
There are numerous differences between them inspite of the fact that they live in the same city; same locality. People are split on tribal and other lines. Some think they are Arabs and view others as low. Arabs view Pathans as low and they in turn view Julahas as inferior.
And there is no marriage between them. In fact; the more richer sections of them search in other states for their brides. Asalamu alikum. I didnt read all of text, or the comments. But I sence that most of you are against racismAlhamdulilah. I want to share a thought: Without mentioning where i am from. I never saw my country, was born somewhere in the arab world. And came to Europe at the age of I never saw myself marrying my ownalthough i didnt mind marrying someone like me?
And at the same time i was really confiused as to who I should marry? Shall I marry a guy that I dont like: inshaAllah a good brotherbut the idea of being his wife was just taking a chance of something uncertain! Just to please my parents?
It happend to me and the brother waited for a year. I prayed Istikhara for a about yearor so. But wallahi the brother was that of good manners.
And alhamdulilahit was not the will of Allah. I said to myself. That I wont marry to please my parents nor will I marry to displease them. Alhamdulilah my parents were not as difficult as i thought they were.
Am happily married with 2 boys. And my parents adore my husband. May Allah Guide us all. It really sadens me, when a brother and a sister living in the west cant be married because of their parents. NOTE: I agree with Muhammad falastine that we should approach the potential spouse within the realm of the sharia Salatil Istikhara helps allot.
Bint Ibrahim, thanks so much for sharing your story. I am an African American Christian woman. When my Egyptian Muslim husband asked me to marry him I approached my parents and the reaction was immediate disapproval. My mother said no under no uncertain terms.
My husband said he would not even approach his father because he knew that he would disapprove as I was not Muslim. I know that the obstacles are many due to religious and cultural differences.
I know in my heart that God has sanctioned our marriage and that we will be happy and as time goes by we will bridge the gap between our religions and culture. I am now only married for 4 months and my husband has only recently told his father that he is married because he had to as his father wanted to make arraingements for him to marry another which is perplexing to me as this is not an Islamic practice.
It is so sad that I have not met his parents but I so love my husband and I know he loves me. We are legally married and making plans to have our Egyptian wedding party in May. I had hoped by this time that he could have convienced his parents that our marriage is good and blessed by God.
I know that with time my parents will grow to love my husband because he is a good and kind man that he has my best interest at heart. Kendee, thanks for sharing your story. I fear that bridging the gap between religions may not be as easy as you think, especially if you have children.
What religion will they follow? Have you discussed this with your husband? Have you considered converting to Islam? Islam is not a repudiation of Christianity, but rather the fulfillment of what Jesus peace be upon him brought.
It certainly would solidify your marriage on a common spiritual foundation. You are probably right. I would prefer my husband convert to Christianity. I would like to raise our children as Christians.
Kendee, a practicing Muslim could never accept that. Having children who grow up without Islam would be the greatest possible failure in life. I understand and for this reason I promised never to even date a Muslim man. I had a male Muslim close friend whom i still remain friends with today that I would never get close to because I felt that I would be cheating on Jesus.
This friend is such a good person and friend that I was open to date my now husband. My duty as a Christian is to introduce my Christian faith to everyone. I am praying that my husband will find Jesus. We will cross the bridge between faith when we get to it. I know this post is a bit old, but I found the comments really useful, and so I wanted to share my experience. My parents were always against the idea of me marrying anyone of a different culture and even more so, when it was someone of a difference race.
I had several proposals from brothers of different cultures, but refused them because I really wanted my families support in my marriage. But only Allah knows what He swt has planned for. This year I got a proposal from a practicing British brother of Pakistani descent. When he approached me about his intention for marriage, the first thing he asked me was if I would have an issue with him being Pakistani?
I realised at that point how un-Islamic it was for me to refuse brothers just because of their background, but I still felt that both our families would be against it. So I suggested that our families meet early on and if they get along and they are both happy with the proposal, only then would we go ahead with it. Alhamdulillah for the deen of Islam. Allah swt has made us into nations and tribes so that we can get to know each other. I get on so well with his mother and my parents love him like a son.
I think it also helped our relationship that we were both raised in the UK, so we had our own Islamic British culture in common. I pray that Allah swt blesses you all with religious partners, ameen. It was really nice to read your true story. However at the end you quoted some saying of Ghandi, that did not pleased me as I think as a Muslim we have many wornderful and true saying in form of Holy Quran, Hadiths and sayings of four Caliphs May Allah be pleased with them.
I hope you will not mind and think on it. Indeed we do have many beautiful sayings in Islam. And Muslims should be more aware of some of the beautiful writings of the scholars. However, truth is truth no matter where it is found. There is no harm in quoting a non-Muslim if there is truth in the words. Truth, beauty and wisdom can be found in many places. I would have welcomed a replay post of quotes from Muslims that achieved a similar meaning that was given in the quote I posted by Ghandhi.
May Allah swt Grant us knowledge that will be of benefit, Guide us to the haqq and Assist us to do deeds that will be accepted, ameen.
I am pakistani. As my parents were born in pakistan and i am one of the eldest, its like a given that i follow what they say, i do not want to disappoint them but i feel i have to.
See, this Arab boy from tunisia has asked to marry me. He truely wants to marry me and wants to ask my parents for my hand in marriage and i know my parents would refuse him outright and probably ban me from speaking to him again.
And i fear they will do the same to me. I can understand what you are going through and how you are feeling. Although there are many sisters still unmarried in their thirties, because of the restrictions placed upon them by their family and culture, the fear of this should not cause sisters to disown their families in the pursuit of happiness.
Allah swt is the controller of the heavens and earth and He swt is able to do anything. Wake up for tahajjud and implore Him swt sincerely and he will grant you what is best for you.
And Allah knows while you do not know. If you get the consent of your mahram, you can rest assure that they have taken the necessary steps to find you a good brother. Following the sunnah is always better. I would advise you to make the firm intention to please you parents, because it is through them that you will be able to please Allah, and when He swt is pleased with you, He swt will grant you more than you could have asked for. I can only speak from experience.
A year before finding my husband my parents refused a proposal from an Arab brother. I was more than distraught at the time, because I had my heart set on that marriage. I could have left my family and married him anyway, but more than my own happiness I wanted my parents to be happy. Above all else, ukhti do what is pleasing to Allah and obey your parents in everything accept that which causes you to disobey Allah.
If you desire something from this world or the akhirah, there is none greater than Allah, who can grant you what you ask for. Keep firm in praying your salat and make istighfar and you will find the One Who Holds the dominion of the heavens and the earth, will grant you more than you desire.
I hope it will be as beneficial to you as it has been for me. Allah will grant whoever recites this seven times in the morning or evening whatever he desires from this world or the next. The chain of transmission is sound Sahih. There is none worthy of worship but Him. Ibn As-Sunni no. Both reports are attributed directly to the Prophet saw.
To see more couples, and mixed-race children is a very apparent way of breaking down some barriers and stereotypes that exist within our societies. It exposes Muslims of one culture more intimately to those from another, and in the end I feel it increases the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood. Tariq Nelson made a pertinent point on his blog.
This would eventually lead to more of a blending in this country, culturally and genetically, of the many Muslim cultures as well as the American one. Intermarriage is one of the ways people that were once even somewhat hostile can become one group. The most important role interracial marriages may play in this is the affect that they will have on their family and friends. First and foremost we should ask Allah swt to purify our intentions and grant us the tawfeeq to make all of our actions for Him and for Him alone.
Marriage in general is not a goal in and of itself, but it is a means of worshipping Allah by trying to establish a family upon the Sunnah. I have outlined just a small sampling of the obstacles that one might face.
People really need to do some self-introspection and see where they stand, see what their maturity level is, and know what they can handle before getting involved in anything. Once a person does become involved in an interracial marriage, the most important thing is to have patience. A lot of things will come your way, but you must persevere through them as a Muslim should.
Remember also that all your actions, and your family in the public eye, will be under much more scrutiny than most. Know that it will take time for the families of both parties to integrate and become comfortable with one another. Would you consider it for yourself? What about for your children? What about for your siblings? How do you feel when you see an interracial couple? He has served in varying administrative capacities for multiple national and local Islamic organizations.
You can follow his work at ibnabeeomar. To be completely honest, I myself had preconceived notions about Arabs, which although sometimes true, are nonetheless, extremely stereotypical. Also, I thought interracial couples were weird. When we got married, it was much much easier than I had imagined. The families compromised a lot and it was even more interesting to infuse the 2 cultures together.
As for kids. Our parents like this idea also. The cool thing is that my best friend just became part of an interracial marriage last weekend, so I can give her lotsa advice. What a good idea - sending the children to your in-laws so that they learn both languages especially since they have the capacity to learn about 5 languages i heard?
More languages, the better. I am facing many problems regarding interracial marriage. My husband does not support me in any way but fully support his ex-wife who he has two children with. It makes me wonder are all Pakistani men like this who marry African-American women?
Is this culture related or are they following the instructions of white people? I thought Muslim men are supposed to take care of their wives? Have you tried talking about it with him? I hope things work out for you. Muslim and Arab men will take care of their children, the wife or ex wife who has his children has the priority. The woman, wife, or mother of his children is only a machine or a tool for him.
Believe me. Me again. Wow thats sad. I actually had no idea people thought that way. While we were engaged, people at the Masjid did make a lot of harsh comments, but my friends never told me.
Later I found out, from some kids!! Such as: 2 types of yummy food. Like you said, cute kids. Learning another language faster and easier. And, it could go on. And most importantly, stick together for the sake of Allah not for the sake of children, not families,ect. Deen is above all else. I agree with a lot of stuff that you just mentioned. I agree with all the pluses of inter-racial marriages but it requires a lot of patience to climb up the bariers and achieve life-long happiness.
Asalaamu alaikum, brother. Very interesting and well thought out article. Salaam, from a FOB point of view, I can see that the generation born and raised here have their own unique culture. A person born here in a Pakistani family or arab family etc, would have a new culture mixing american culture with traces of their parents culture. So it would be kind of hybrid culture. And sometimes its not parents who hold you back from marrying into different culture, its person himself or herself for valid reasons as well.
We have to realize that the marriage is not something trivial to experiment with, its matter of whole life hopefully. And the person hopes and want least sort of problems in it, and want a harmonious marriage.
So if a person feels the cultural differences is going to cause such issues, why take such risk? Why be miserable for all life or even few years to sort things out?
What are incentives to go this route? Now as a parents, we need to realize our kids have their own culture, and we should find something suitable for them within their new adopted culture.
So you are right, a pakistani american may have more in common with arab american than a pakistani from back home, because his her culture is different now.
I am not advocating against interculture marriage, I am just saying if couples cant feel comfortable with each other, then dont experiment. Sister Ruth, I believe that Omar is talking about both.
Interracial marriages can actually become more difficult when they add an intercultural ct to it. And Omar speaks out of personal experience, being that he is married to a sister from a different race completely and different nation of originwhile he is himself is a 1st generation American of Indo-Pakistani origin. I have seen too many marriages break apart when the origins are taken into account more than the culture. Amad, thanks for clarifying that. Alhamdulillah my family is full of inter-racial marriages, even my own grandparents, may Allah have mecry on them, are interracial.
May Allah make is easy for them and grant them righteous and pious children. Our parents are not against us, they have concerns, and as an adult one should be able to address those concerns and talk about this issue beforehand.
InshaAllah to lessen the shock value and so the parents and the child are on the same page. On the other hand, I think a lot of parents are totally open to mixed races like my mom because of the pretty kids :- mashaAllah and for other reasons. Her ancestors are Arab and mine are from the Indian subcontinent. Alhamdulillah, all thanks is to due to Allah that both our parents are very open and have accepted us. They were like is she a good Muslimah.
The same for her parents. I think it all has to do with the type of parents you have and how open they are. Marriage is something both partners need to work at continuosly irrespective of who you are marrying - your first cousin or someone from another world altogether. Put it like this: you want a good relationship with your boss or your friends, you work at it and ditto with your spouse. Of course, with your spouse you can blow off now and then, and follow it up with remorse and repentance but still it needs to be worked at.
Believe me, marriage is hard work and it better be worth the work you and your spouse put in. I believe that the national language for all Muslims should be Arabic. I am Pakistani. We can never learn enough languages - for Dawah and to get on with others.
May Allah bless your intentions and deeds! The A at the end is for Arabs. The new politically-correct version introduced here replaces confused with cultured : -Amad. I think its easier for two people from different cultures who grew up in the west to get along better. Your marriage has to be best on Quran and Sunnah to be able to grow and you have to have a common respect for another. Take time out to learn about your partners culture even learning a few words of the other persons language will make it seem like your trying to be apart of the family.
This has not been the case as a Muslim as I can drop by any masjid regardless of cultural domination and go in and pray with no problems even when I am out of town.
It just may seem cool and different. Not that there is anything Islamically wrong with it. Marriage is a like a huge life-long if it lasts obstacle course. So, they may be able to survive yes, but perhaps not thrive. Also there are are other things, like food types, like cultural habits, etc. My oldest daughter married Muslim and she is black also its not fair for my grand daughter to never have Christmas or Birthdays as a child. I just asking a question.
Through becoming a Clinical Psychologist is possible it will affect the child in America celebrations. Even if people do not believe in Jesus is it possible they will still have there blessing in God and Jesus. These are good points but they really do vary from person to person.
Also, while its true my parents prefer to associate primarily with Desis, they actually get along pretty well with the Arab families in our community. And to be honest, for me personally, although I can make my way through Desi social circles, its not exactly something I relish.
So each person should consider his own circumstances. The important thing in the end is to go into any situation with open eyes.
Of course, I agree with your comments Sh. May Allah guide us all to making the right decisions, and grant us all pious righteous spouses, ameen! They has much less cultural baggage and prejudices from the old country.
What little they have is handed down, and insha Allah will not pass it on to their cute children. Yes, i see your point, and brother, btw, theres no need to call me shaykh.
The brothers claim they are obediant and stay in the marriage,plus they know arabic and the quranwowwww. Most of us are estranged from our families and limit the interaction of our children with the extended none Muslim family.
I am in an interracial marriage. My husband is pink and I am caramel and we have creamy babies rofl. His first Muslim wife was white and his family encouraged her apostatacy they actually put her in touch with the people who helped misguide herso really for the convert I think think it all boils down to our personal preference and deen, when we decide who we want to marry.
Many American converts, like myself, came to Islam because it is the solution to racism. And nothing broke my heart more in the immigrant communities than to discover the rampant racism therein.
Additionally, as converts, we automatically go through a process of separating culture from deen, which is not the case for those born into Islam. It should be taken seriously in choosing a spouse. This has created a more tolerant and culturally sensitive generation. As far as parents go and bring up the idea of marrying someone out side of your race, as you all know everyone is different. From what I have seen the more religious the family is the more likely they would support you.
I thought getting my parents; mainly my father to agree to let me marry outside of my Tribe much less out side of my race all together would be virtually impossible. I think anyone who is thinking about entering into a interracial marriage really needs to think long and hard, talk to prospective spouses ask questions about the family and how important culture is, your expectations, your goals for the future, how you plan to raise your kids, if this person eventually wants to move back to their country, what types of cuisine he expects you to cook for him, etc.
Whether same race or interracial, one thing I would advise anyone in a marriage is to make lots of dua and have patience and learn about each others roles in Islam. This is the key to any good marriage. Should we just compromise and carry on letting our families believe their old myths about different cultures Or shud we attempt to dispel the previous generations misconceptions? Last time I checked, we were one Ummah, and still are.
I have to agree with Musa Maguires contention that there is an uncritical distinction between culture and race. Are we still going to use colonial categories of race?
How do we understand culture, when there is constant borrowing and renegotiations of culture. It seems as if we consider those static categories when they are so dynamic. For example, a few commenters on this blog pointed out that migration can create cultural differences. People bring their own cultural baggage even if they marry someone from their same background. When you marry someone from a different background you exchange the sets of issues that you would have with someone from your background for another set of issues.
I think the saddest thing for me, as a convert, was the dissapointment when I confronted racism in the Muslim community. America has a long history of addressing issues of racism and it has been subject to so much resources and critical thought.
On the other hand, Muslims are just barely addressing these issues critically. This is why I am thankful for postings like this. Many people commented that there is lot of racism in muslim community. Are you guys suggesting not marrying into other race as racism? If yes, then what is it?
Its all just based on everyones own perference. Salaam alaikum, Choosing to marry within your own ethnic and cultural community is not racism. One can be racist and still marry into another group.
For example, I know white men who have racist views agains Asians, but are married to Asian women. I also know of a Black man who marries under dubious circumstances Arab women, but dislikes Arabs and generalizes them all the time. But for the most part, hatred of another ethnic group does prevent you from wanting to marry them.
Ruthwould u mind to write something about inter religious marriage. I am muslim and I am in love with a person who is Christian Atheist actually. I love him so much. Thoughhe is an atheist but he respects my religion. He is the nicest person in the whole earth. I need ur input. I would appreciate ur input. Thanks again. Even for Muslim men to marry a non-Muslim woman from the Ahl-Kitaab carry strict conditions which I believe is becoming near impossible to fulfill.
Thats like saying that a devout Muslim has respect for Hinduism. Is this to say that if you were in a similar situation yourself, you would simply discard the relationship? Sister I know you were advised to leave the relationship, but you should know you are not alone in this situation. I am in a similar predicament myself though in some respects very different as i will explain. My boyfriend is a Muslim,and I am an athiest myself.
I know I cant marry him because of this but i do love him deeply and would love nothing more to be married to him. I, like seemingly your boyfriend, am incredibly respectful of his faith and would consider learning more about islam, perhaps then i will understand it more and even become a muslim myself. Anyway, what i wanted you to know is to go with your heart and if god is supposedly forgiving, surely he will forgive for marrying a non-muslim. Asalaamu alaikum, nothing. The best way I can answer is to tell you what I would do.
First of all, as a Muslim woman, I would follow the Islamic guidance that restricts me to marrying a Muslim. Second, I would not marry an atheist even if I loved him with all my heart and soul. Also, Allah tells us in the Quran not to take unbelievers for friends and protectors. Loving someone is a beautiful thing, but it can be fragile, too. Marriage is about working together in a partnership to support a family, and that in itself is a challenge not everyone succeeds in.
The relationship is clearly haram.
Islam and interracial dating
And Allahu alam. God knows best. I am in a interracial marriage, me being kurd from Iraq and hubby from Sudan, we are both immigrants, and live in Sweden.
I have really problem with my mum not accepting still after 3 y of marriage. We have 2 wonderful cute kids. Salam, After many years in an inter-racial;intercultural, and intergenerational marriage the bottom line to success is simply loving Allah and being there for the spouse even when the spouse flees from youpeople grow at different times.
There have to be peaks and valleys. The times when we do have problems, from children to inlaws, are the times when we are fainling in practicing our religion correctly. At times like that, there is no one to turn to better than Allah for help and then seeking to find answers in the Quran, the Sunnah and by asking the people of knowledge what to do - not the parents or the inlaws - this can cause greater disaster.
For any marriage, inter-racial or cultural to work, there must be fear of Allah in the hearts of both spouses towards other humanbeings. So if you want to start preparing for marriage i suggest you fear Allah regarding all the people in your life right now, and try to fulfill their rights over you right now.
This builds you character and your habits and your skills in living with other people. The sooner you get aquainted with your self and train your nafs and your desires from anger and impatience to hardwork and perseverence the more skill you have to make any marriage work. I agree with alot of waht was said. I think people have to learn to look past superficial qualities such as race, etc. But may I ask one thing? Is it so different? Then are we not all human beings?
I realize its a taboo topic. But think about it. We may all be human, but first and foremost we are the creation of Allaah. We are His slaves and we were created with a purpose. Those who disbelief in Allaah and His Messenger are denying the very reason for their creation. We do not use emotion to judge things, but at the same time we do not use our flawed human rationality to understand or act on an issue on which Allaah and His Messenger have already spoken about.
For you to say that we are all one people and all the same, would imply that Allaah sending his prophets and Messengers to give us guidance was a pointless thing to do, since from your word it can be understood that our deen does not really matter.
May Allaah protect us from such evil notions. Mehdi, it is people like you that make a bad name for Muslims. Allah is tolerant. Are you better than Him? Great perspective and even greater responses, alhumdulillah. The bottom line is: It all comes down to your deen. If you marry someone to whom deen is important then they will let go of cultural norms in order to see the practice of the sunnah flourish in their marriage.
Alhumdulillah I bear witness to that. I myself am Pakistani and my husband is Palestinian. When we are together we make up our own culture. We take what we like and see benefit in from our respective cultures and practice that.
Striving to be the best spouse and follow the Deen to the best of our ability is what makes our marriage amazing. But marriage is marriage, you can be married to someone from your own culture and end up divorcing them for whatever reason. We should just pray that He SWT blesses us with righteous spouses so that we can rectify that state of the Ummah by first starting with our families. If any brother or sister could help or guide me on this subject. No matter what color the person is, if you share experiences, beliefs and goals which is essentially what culture helps form there is really very little else to separate you.
The prohet pbuh never married anyone but from his own race. Allah knows best. Maryam the Copt was not his wife but one of his slaves, and there is nothing reported that proves that they were married.
And where did you get this information Phantom. Please tell me exactly where it says it is haram to mix races? Prohet Muhammad never married anyone but from his own race? Not true. He did marry a Jewish woman who became Muslima named Soffiyah. Look it up in history. And there are good reasons why Prophet Muhammad pbuh married a Jewish woman. And probably also to remind the jewish that their great great grandfathers are also chosen as prophets.
And it is mentioned in the Quran, that many prophets are of jewish yehud. But no, Allah knows best, He chose an Arab man to be the last prophet. Lastly Kuff compatibility in marriage is a concept enshrined and espoused by the Islamic Shariah, and you ignore Kuff at your peril. Salam Alaikom.
This is a very interesting discussion. I want to marry a pious African american brother, I am of Arab origin. I am having problem with my father with giving a blessing. Please pray for me and tell me what do you think or speak of experience it would help very much.
I am in love with a half white, half jamaican brother currently residing in jamaica. Reason being I am of Indian origin and my family is highly respected in our community. The fact that he is half black would be the worst thing i could do in my mums eyes. She is forever complaining about stress and has very high blood pressure and my family are always using the excuse that my not being married at the age of 26 is a big contributional factor towards her health.
I am truly stuck because I cannot imagine being with anybody else and although my religeon eliminates all barriers of race I could never forgive myself if something happened to my mum or if my family disowned me.
At the same time I will never stop thinking about him or loving him and If I marry somebody else it will be for the complete wrong reasons. Muslim women can only marry Muslim men. A see a lot about religion being the thing to go back to in case of a problem. What if the person has different religious preferences like a more Salafi perspective vs Ikhwani point of view to Islam.
Different methodologies. Allahu Alam but it sounds more like an issue that needs to be worked out before actually marrying someone :P. My husband sent me this link. He thinks women can express their feelings easier than men. He might be right about that. Although he is only 29, my husband is a very wise man so I am not going to argue about that. My friends once told me: Just close your eyes and get married, you are almost 28 and you are living in a Non Muslim country! Well, we prove them wrong!
I questioned him during 3 days, the way a mother in law would question his future son in law. After a month we were both in front of the imam getting married. I guess you already started to ask yourselves what has that to do with the subject. Well.
My husband lives in US and I live in Romania. I could say our marriage exceed the bounds of our countries just to be on topic. You know I could actually say that; because my husband crossed the ocean in order to see me;. Does Islam know boundaries? Why do we even use this word in the first place? The word itself divides us in different races and colors. Anyway I do not think in these terms. I found a wonderful brother and I married him because he was good Muslim.
Our families were both happy for us. Well, with our friends was a little bit different Well, they said many things but I must confess they are all right about one thing: We will have beautiful kids together, Insha-Allah! I truly hope I am not offending anybody in here.
This is just the way I am! I just hate to divide people. May Allah Reward us all! Your brother and sister in Islam: Abdourahman and Latifa. Jazakumallah khair abdourahman and latifa for the wonderful story. May Allah keep both of u very happy content with each other. Just look into your heart sister and you will see the answer.
I am a convert too and my husband was born Muslim, we complete eachother he is patient and teaches me, Mashallah, we prayed together and he is always willing to answer at my questions related to Islam.
I wish you all my best, may Allah guide you. Just look into your heart and pray for guidance. Istikhara Prayer. Assalamu Alaikum, sorry for my spelling I was in a big hurry. I guess I was too excited about the topic. I know I also made some mistakes in the first post too, lol, my husband said I am very excited when I am writing about something I like. May Allah Reward Us All. Assalamu Alaikum Im a 21year old pakistani girl, who really wants to marry a somali. My mum and dad would never let me marry him, i have not actually talked about him to my parents but this is something which would be totally out of question.
I am also hesistant to even tell my parents about him because of the reaction i would get. AsSalam O alikum sister I am from Pakistan but i am a guy trying to get married to a somali sisterher parents dont agree for now, pray for me they agree InshAllah.
Its been 2 years. If ur parents are religious u could talk to them abotu the deen of the brother. Also, u would have to tell ur mom first.
A Guide to Young Love and Muslim Faith
Reaction is the best thing. Because then u can move ahead. Coz rite now u are not sure how ur parents think. After the first reaction u can try convince them. If not then u can talk to an Imam to try to tell ur parents. Her statement made me think about being a college where after attempting to avoid math and science classes, I eventually would be forced to take and for the record, they were never my favorite classes, nor the strongest areas in academics.
I grew up in a majority racially mixed neighborhood in the outskirts of Atlanta, Georgia. Honestly, those were some fairly hard times for me and if there is anybody who should be oppposed to marrying Black men it should have been me. I could have went through life with angersadness and depression for life, but I chose to fight my battles. No man were no better or less than each other.
It would be based on pretense and not the real thing. Alhamdulillaahi for this nice topic. Take for instance, a black african man who takes his arab wife to live in his native country, say Ghana.
It might usually be easy to ignore all the external factors while you are both in a foreign country. We all know what happens in our native countries whereby it is usually hard to marry from a different culture even within the same country, so I am thinking what will happen if it is from another country entirely?
Has anybody gone through this experience? This issue is always so interesting for me and I really think such an important for societies.
While I relaize that sometimes marrying outside ones culture or country might casue stress and anxiety, I do feel it is a good thing.
The great Dr. King jr. We all know stero-types and prejudices exist in every community and every country. We also know sometimes our families are the guiltiest and perpetuating this. For her it was realizing there was nothing wrong with her race. For others it might be there is nothing wrong for a Algerian to marry an Uzbek or a Persian to marry a desi. We were born within our community. Nor does being American. It is not how we look or the words we say, but the actions of our daily lives.
Acknowledgement: I realize that dating and finding out about a person is very different than the traditional way of having your family find a suitable partner for marriage. But as I have not expereinced this, I plead ignorance.
But I do have expereince dating women from other cultures and countries and religions. Muslimah B: I suggest you listen to your parents. They have a lot more wisdom than you and have much more experienc in the world. You have no idea how difficult marriage is.
Very few people can handle interracial marriages, its best to marry someone who is similar to you in culture, economics etc. You want to be in this for the long haul, 40, 50 years. Trust me, you should want your parents approval, you will need their support once married. Think hard about what you want in a mate and ask your parents to help you find a brother who meets both of your approval. Thanks for your advice anon ummi.
But i am certain i want to marry this guy. I just want some advice as to how i could approach my parents about this. My parents think extremely backwards, therefore right now i know what the answer will be, they would not even acknowledge my feelings and my desires, even though he was the perfect man i could marry, it wouldnt be possible due to the fact he is out of the family.
I know interracial marriages can carry alot of problems but at the same time i wouldnt want to be married to someone who i am totally unhappy with, and i certainly do not believe it when people say, you will begin to love the person once you get married. I dont see why anyone should have to do such a thing when you are already in love with someone and all it needs is your parents to accept. Plus my parents dont believe in out-of-family marriages, im definitely not marrying a relative!
This is very stressful for me. I just need strong advice and support. And my mum totally against it. She told me to choose between them. Me and him we are both muslims, and we can undertand each other well, we know each other for 3years.
This is my life and i have right to live it the way i want. My advise for u also try to fight for ur right, after it might be to late. Sis Muslimah, have you tried talking to your local Imam or Sheikh for some advice on your situation? Thankyou for your reply AnonyMouse - Well it is something I have recently been considering, but alot of my family and friends, including my father go to my local Mosque. Sequoia, Thank you for your response. Back then ,I was blinded by them. At that time,I could never see the rainbow because of this.
Although my mother attempted to instill pride in me I just could never see it because the ill treatment seemed too great as I was too weak in handling them at that time. I wondered and struggled how to love my African-American heritage when they seemed to be disrespectful of it? Far as my family background. There are people who are interracially,interculturally married others and a couple of them who have been married to people disabled and of different social backgrounds.
That is ok. To me, if you date, that means somewhere down the line you eventually want a spouse. I feel that if God wants me to have a good man in my life in his own mysterious way he will let me know and if he just happen to be of my background or of a different one, I will open the door to him. That is how I see it. Thankyou AnonyMouse and Ibnabeeomar for your advice - I really appreciate it. I have had alot of people who know of my situation tell me that this marriage is not going to work out due to the fact that he is Somali and myself Pakistani.
This i think is a very lame excuse! I have alot of faith in Allah SWT to make this work. I have an idea, but i need to be sure. I am an African American woman married to an Arab man. I have experienced racism but from other Arabs.
I just stay away from those people. Beacause at the end of the day you have to live your life. No one can live your life for you.
Your parents can not live your life. The only one that can make you happy is you. He is the best man I have ever met.
He still has his flaws but his good out weighs his bad. We mainly argue about cultural stuff. I was born and raised in America and he was born and raised in the Middle East.
He has even went to church with me and we were married a second time in the church. He is also Muslim. An interracial marriage is hard an intercultural marriage is hard. But both well it is very trying. LOL I married him after 3 weeks of knowing him. So a lot of the arguments are because we are still getting to know each other. I encourage everyone to get to know the person and their family if they are willing. If not follow your heart.
Because I can say if I am not happy I have no one to blame but myself and would never say what if I had married him. That is what i have planned to do when the time is right, but i am very very nervous, anxious and scared about approaching my parents.
Another factor which will make this situation worse for me is the fact that this man i want to marry is an ex-prisoner, and also not very educated and therefore is finding it very hard to find a job. Im not expecting a luxorious life from my marriage partner. But my parents will definitely look at his job and what he does in life.
Allahmdulilah i have got to know this man well so that is not an issue. It is just telling my parents about it. And it is true what ILoveMyArabHusband said about it is only me that can make me happy, its what i desire that will make me happy not my parents choice.
Thankyou Ibnabeeomar for the link on Ishtikarah. I am very greatful for everyones replies and advice.
That is a requirement that is instituted in Islam for the protection of women. That is why Islam discourages non-needed or superfluous interactions with the opposite gender because of what this may lead to, such as romantic feelings, emotional involvement and in many cases, physical engagement in forbidden actions. I know its tough to see this at this time, with all the emotions, but your parents would be correct to feel worried about a person with prison background, they would be correct to question his education, they would be correct to ask about his finances.
If you were the parent yourself, would you have done differently? Emotionally and financially? I can also tell you, from experience, that education is not just a way to better finances and livelihood. Education makes a person a better human being. There is usually a huge gap of understanding and perspective between an educated and uneducated person.
Of course there are exceptions, but why risk it? I am not patronizing you sister. I am just providing you an important 2 cents that there is much more to life than having strong emotions for a person.
Trust me, emotions can dissipate in a matter of weeks when reality hits. When a person has to struggle day to day, then all the feelings of love can vanish, replaced by anxiety and hard-feelings. So, my advice: sure, go talk to you parents. But then listen to them. You need their permission anyway, and they will only be thinking the best for you after all, they have raised you, and have nothing to gain in hurting you.
But then avoid contact with him to prevent further entanglement. You have absolutely no idea what you are getting yourself into. Here is the reality of having a husband who is an ex-con and not intelligent. Instability as this person never grew up in a stable environment and does not know how to run a household 3.
Domestic abuse as most likely he will have a short temper, again because he has never dealt with real issues in a mature manner or seen positive examples. Your children will inherit his intelligence, most likely they will never be able to do higher education and will be relegated to being poor or struggling financially.
Your children will be looked down on in the community one for being mixed but also because of the fathers reputation. You will not have respect for him because of his lack of education. Trust me a woman has to respect her husband which is why its best to marry a man who is the same class or higher. This is an Islamic concept of Kuff or compatibility. The man you want to marry should marry someone with the same background and issues.
Or he should wait until he has proven he can be a good husband by going back to school for qualifications or starting a successful business with money in the bank before you marry him.
You have no clue what this type of marriage entails. I have seen case after case of naive girls who think they are in love and now four or five kids later are so depressed and regretting the marriage.
And the parents are open to it so that you dont cut off ties. You are risking cutting ties with your family for a marriage that most likely will not last. Who will support you when you get divorced with mixed race children, you will have a very hard time getting married. I am from African background by the way so this not based on racist belief but inside knowledge of seeing several marriages like this. Its a very difficult road and you should think long and hard because it will not be easy at all.
Is all that worth it for the fleeting feeling of love? Thankyou Amad and anon ummi for ur replies. I have started to feel scared about what you have said. I am one person who does not agree with them marriages. To be honest the thought of it is pretty disturbing. I thought some were actually stereotypes. I have copied what you have said and responded to what i thought of that.
His parents have actually bought a house for us already, his sister and husband are staying there too. Domestic abuse as most likely he will have a short temper, again because he has never dealt with real issues in a mature manner or seen positive examples - With some people you can naturally tell what type of person they are and whether they condone violence etc, he despises that sort of behaviour towards women, im not just saying that, it is clear to me.
Your children will inherit his intelligence, most likely they will never be able to do higher education and will be relegated to being poor or struggling financially- This what you have said sounds like you think this man is not intelligent and capable of studying, he is. He came to the UK from Kenya 10years ago, struggling to speak English, there was racism towards him at school, so when he fought back he got excluded, and didnt do anything after that but just stay out with friends. He wants whats best for him an me if that takes moving away he is happy to do so.
As for my children being looked down on because they are mixed, i completely diasgree with, Whats wrong with being mixed? There is so many mixed race Muslim children now, i have not seen them being discriminated against. He has suggested moving Yemen, Dubai or Saudia Arabia to make our children better taught about Islam. This is an Islamic concept of Kuff or compatibility- I respect him that is why i have made the decision i want to commit to him, i wouldnt have even considered that if i didnt respect him.
Alot of parents are not educated, does this mean they do not respect eachother? If truly the issue of marrying within the family is your biggest concern, then you could tell your parents that they either should find someone you like outside the family OR let you marry this person.
With such pressure, your family may give you more options that they AND you like. Sometimes when presented a choice like this, parents will suddenly become more flexible. But at least give THEM a chance. Again, I conclude that this sort of emotional attachment is what is the problem that is fuzzing your decisions, and that is why it is important to have that gender interaction discipline. I hope you can break away from it a bit to try to make decisions based on reality and practical issues than on emotions.
May Allah help you. But still I leave you with one incident to ponder over though. Today she is happily married, mashaAllah! Different Imams and Sheikhs say different things sometimes. No I am not in an interracial marriage but I know many who are and of those some that are very, very bad.
The ones that are good are those that grew up together, same class and background, their parents approved the marriage etc.
Your situation is not really about interracial marriages. It shows he has poor work ethic and will not be a good provider. As soon as he got out of prison he should have been trying to find a job, any job to get on his feet. It does not give a good impression of him. Look, I am sort of thinking of you as a little sister with giving you this advice. I have been married almost ten years.
I married for love but wallahi, love can only conquer so much. I pray that all the comments here make you really think about this decision. The decision to marry for a woman is one of the most important she makes and can change the entire course of her life. I pray you make a sound, well thought out decision and that you also involve your family with that decision.
Anon ummi- Theres one thing you said that stood out to me, just because he approached me when he did not have a job, this DOES NOT mean he does not respect me. He didnt love me from the day he met me obviouslyWe got to know eachotherI wasnt going to leave him just because he did not have a job, im not that heartless.
Plus i disnt say i wanted to get married to him next week, i was just getting advice about how to approach my parents. Nevertheless the comments you have made i did think about even though i didnt agree with most. Thankyou for your time. Assalamo Alikum Everyone, Im a Pakistani, born and raised over there, but i was a teenager when my family moved to america. I always try to follow Islam and Islamic values.
I am not married yet but I was thinking of marrying an arab guy who was born and brought up here. I have known him for last five years and he is a really good muslim. I also met his family who is very religious, outgoing and nice. Every time we used to have a conversation our cultural and family values came up to be the same.
I just want to know from my other muslim sisters, who are already married and knows the ups and downs of the marriage, Is it a good decision to take a step forward and marry this guy? I would really appreciate your help in this matter.
Looks like there is some compatibility from what you mentioned. So far, you seem to have had your family involved, so why not tell your family that you are interested in this guy? They need to approve of this, so you should start there. I will tell you that since your parents are probably typical immigrants, they will have a hard time with this.
Because really desi families esp. Work on your family and see if you can get them to break the cultural barriers. I can tell you that the romance fades away quickly after marriage, and its all about practicalities and love for other reasons not for coolness.
And marrying someon from your own culture has a lot of benefits, and will help make your learning curve as a wife a lot easier. My advice is to stick to your culture if the religious conditions are met, otherwise religion trumps culture.
Assalamo alikum, Once again thankx alot brother amad.
Actually i was young when i came to this country and with the passage of time, my mentality did change in this culture. I really appreciated your help and concern. It is really good to know that i have older muslim brothers to help me out with matters like this : I have one more question: How does Islam sees hokkah smoking as? Riya, from the little research I was able to do on this, many scholars used to consider smoking as makruh i. At this point, most scholars have said that it is haram see this page for a spectrum of opinions.
Hookah smoking is as harmful, if not more than smoking, according to lung specialists. What about a non-muslim girl marrying a muslim? For example im a white english girl and have a pakistani boyfriend whos muslim, now obviously his family doesnt know about me coz of the religion its sad really. But Ive just recently found out that his family is trying to get him married off into an arranged marriage. Obviously he doesnt want this, i thought they wernt supposed to be forced upon?
Anyway my main point is, the fact that he cant even tell his family about me because hes scared incase they disown him. I would have thought his family would want him to be happy. I know there is the issue that im not a muslim, but if it came down to it, i would convert, because i love him so much. But the thing is i dont understand why i should have to convert when i dont believe in it, and also if i did, i would just be pretendin anyway so wouldnt that be just as bad?