Thank you very much for the advice. It means a lot to me and it really clear out my confusion. I never think that attraction and interest is a totally different subjects. Do you mind to expand this explanation for me , or maybe list several reasons why a man would be physically attracted to a woman , but not interested to commit a romantic relationship with her? One more question , if that guy is only physically attracted to me for now , is it possible that he will be interested in committing an romantic relationship with me? Based on your advice, I know that I should move on and look for other guys instea but I am wondering if I can still " wait for that guy " while looking for more options? Physical attraction is normally a sight thing.
Maybe he never imagined the table ever being reversed to a point where you would need him that much and things would balance out. One question that is bound to come up is that since he was at a marrying point so quickly, did they really just meet? Could he have known her before you became aware of it? It could be just coincidence, but. People are sometimes attracted to others who tell them what they want to hear rather than what is best.
Just throwing out ideas here. If they did really just meet, he may be asking himself the same thing soon. Why did I marry her? Sign Up Now! Sort Girls First Guys First.
AJtogo Xper 5. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. You may have been a stable rebound from his recent divorce. I know that when I got divorced, I was not in any proper emotional state to be in another. I could fake it very easy, but it wasn't real. Related myTakes. Show All. Unsung Tourist Sites of Mainland China. What is your biggest fear?
The forgotten foreign influences including spoils of war that the Soviet military owed credit to. Most Helpful Opinion mho Rate. Learn more. Yes No. Ergo, you should treat your partner well. If you pamper them, spoil them, act as wife to them, and roll over for them, they will not see any reason to reward that or care about your needs.
This is what I realized was my problem. Why would he see any reasons to lock it down? This was another killer in my relationships. You deserve better.
Too much pressure makes men run. You can be the finest woman out there, but if you constantly hound him for a wedding, he will run. This could mean that she was more confident than you, or more financially secure. It makes sense; secure people are easier to deal with and naturally will be more likely to have a lot to offer. I know this because parents have been a reason for multiple breakups in my life.
It feels like there's more to it. I still have feelings for him but I can't do anything about it anymore. I feel like he will come back again for the 3rd time but I don't want to expect anymore.
Ask a Guy: Why Is He With Me?
Please advise. He obviously doesn't know what he wants, Erin. Become so clear for yourself on what YOU want and you won't find yourself letting anyone back in who doesn't clearly know that, too! I was seeing this guy for 5 months.
Then we had set 1 day a week, Friday evenings, for us to hang out and have some fun. Everything was great, as I saw anyway. I hadn't had this feeling since I was with my first love.
All the things that make u feel so good inside. Until one Friday night, we are doing the usual, drinking, laughing and talking. We had discussed our feelings before but we didn't talk about it all the time.
He knew how I felt about him and he never actually said how he felt but all the signs and his actions told me he felt the same way. So to hopefully take it to another level I asked him if he even felt the same way about me as I do for him.
My heart hit the floor. I didn't know what to say. I just looked at him. I could see in his face that he knew I was shocked, hurt. I mean who wouldn't be when all the signs were there?
So I stepped out for a bit to get some fresh air. Maybe he is having a bad day. I didn't want that night to end in heartache. So I just let it go. The next day things went to how they have been the past 5 months. Well, following Friday comes along and he brings it up.
Tells me he knew he had hurt me and he didn't know how to react to it the week before and he was sorry that I just can't give him what he's wanting as far as needs he's wanting met.
I'm crying at this point. He tells me he does love me, mind u I never ever dropped the L word, ever. And he still wants us to continue to have our Friday nights and I be considered his best friend with benefits. So basically he wants all the things a relationship has, but can't commit his heart into it the way I already have. He wants his cake and eat it too. So I said well let me ask you this?
What If I was to meet a guy and happen to go on a date with him. He said oh well that would piss me off, I would deal with it but I don't have to like it. Well here is the kicker. Yes we still do the Friday thing. Yes with the benefits. Ive tried to pull my heart out of this. Cause in all honesty i dont want to lose him as a friend too. Well, he tells me he met someone. Which I knew something was up cause the texts were calming down, phone calls too.
Wasn't getting the usual good morning and night texts as I had been. It did hurt. And I'm still hurting. I honestly can't stop thinking why him? I have done everything I can and put so much into all of this, even allowing the friends with benefits to go on knowing in the end it wasn't ever going to be me. That this is an endless battle. I don't know what I should do here.
I am still hurting. I want to get passed this. Everytime I try and push him away he pulls me right back in. I want this pain to go away. I want to continue to try and find my happiness. Please help me here. I'm tired of the tears I am wasting on him when I know it's not ever happening and I know not one tear has ever been wasted on me. How can I get my heart and brain on the same page? I really do need advice here. I'm sure I know the answer. Maybe I just need to hear from an outsider looking in.
Why is he dating her and not me
Cut him out of your life. He's not your friend. There is no such thing as friendship in a "friends with benefits" arrangement. When you allow yourself to be friends with benefits with someone you are in love with, you are throwing yourself under the bus by becoming a thing they use and discard when they meet someone "better".
Never ever ever ever go there. You're not losing anything whatsoever when you cut someone out who doesn't care about you. And believe me: he doesn't care about you. I know it hurts. It's like being stabbed repeatedly and having the knife twist several times once inside.
I've been there. I hope you take that lesson out of this one and never go there again. Don't put the onus on the guy to do the right thing by you: they never do. Become your own savior and your own protector. These men are out for themselves, even if they don't think they are. Become selfish with your time, your emotions, your whole being. It's not a bad thing at all. Cut contact with this person. You won't heal and get out of this if you continue to have him in your life in anyway. You have the strength to end it.
You have everything in you, and believe me, you're not losing anything. All you're losing is a burden and someone who hurts you. Good riddance, don't you think? Grief away from him, spend time alone, with your true friends and family, and if you can, do Jane's program.
There's a lot for you away from this person. I was in a long distance relationship 3 hour distance with a man for two years. We spent holidays, birthdays, Valentine's Day, etc together.
He met my daughter and I met his sons. We discussed marriage and our kids referred to us as step parents. Just before we hit the two year mark I decided our relationship has flourished enough for me to post us on Facebook.
The same day I posted a picture of us there was another woman who lives closer to him in my inbox stating she has been with this man for 6 years!!!!! At first I didn't believe her because she had to be delusional. How could they possibly be in a relationship?!!! After about 4 unsuccessful attempts of trying to get the truth from him he finally admitted that he has love for this woman and he thinks it's best we go our separate ways. Can you say completely and utterly heartbroken?!!!
I thought this was my future husband Wow, Kiki. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can only imagine your shock and heartbreak right now. It's sad that there are people capable of doing this kind of horrible thing. You finding out was a blessing. You've definitely been spared. But I'm sure right now it feels like anything but a blessing. I know it was for the best and I shouldn't rush my grieving period but I am sooo tired of hurting.
Pray for me please! Im He is We have been seeing each other on and off for a year. He came on so strong at first. Telling me he was crazy about me. I fell hard. Things were perfect. He lost a dear loved one 3 mths into us dating. He pulled away from me in his grief for 2 mths.
DATING ADVICE: Why A Guy Flirts If He Has A Girlfriend--Will He Leave Her For You? - Shallon Lester
Slowly he came back. We were hot and heavy again.
This went on again for couple mths. Then Bam, for no reason, suddenly pulls away again. We did maintain texting now and then during this off time. Early Springhe's back. We are hot to trot once again.
This time, I dont expect a daily romance, or seeing each other everyday. I give him his space. I realize then how full his agenda is and his hobbies. Im content with our daily chit chat texting once or twice a week and getting together on the wkend.
Again, we have a ball together. Daily chatting, seeing each other once a wk due to work. Us both being very attentive to the other. About 3 days ago I notice he is pulling away again. I text him that I think the world of him, but sense we are on different pages about things which causes misunderstandings, etc.
He replies He understands Calling me my pet name. But his life is very full right now. He doesnt want a highly involved relationship. He doesnt have time for one. Says he doesnt like taking time to do a lot of texting thats only chatter and ends in saying he is trying not to hurt my feelings Im heartbroken and confused and feel we are both too old for this mess. I know he cares.
I feel like he wants a gf benefits now and then but not always or maybe he simply just nicely dumped me. I replied to his last text that I wanted to continue seeing him to an extent that we can both agree on. He has not replied. What do you want for yourself out of life? That's what matters. His life and his wants are his business.
If what you want is a full on relationship, then this is not the person. Just look at the facts and you'll see he is not worth your commitment because he doesn't want the same thing with you. This has happened to me before but I wasn't even dating him I still have a crush on him now I'm just realizing that just friends can't work right now I'm not sure if it ever will I need help getting him to see that I'd make a better girlfriend then a friend because I can't be there for him in the way he wants me to be I couldn't be there for him if he has a hard time with his girlfriend I wouldn't be able to give him honest advice.
This is exactly what I have experienced for years, I am embarrassed to say. I have been in love with someone that continues to choose others over me although he knows how I feel. We have been together a couple of times and the chemistry is out of this world and we are great friends. He still feels suited for someone else. He is currently with someone who he is not happy with sexually or intellectually but she can give him a child and I can't.
I will always love him but I am done with this man. He lacks any common sense and I can't deal with that. Never will he commit to me. Shagging my friend and prostituties. I'm not so bad. All men do it to me. I've been seeing this guy for more than a year now. We were just in chat for the first 6 months that we were trying to get to know each other, meaning, no dates no going out at all.
I swear it was the worst experience in my life but since I love this guy, I thought maybe yeah we could give it a try and don't mind on labels yet. There came a point when I asked him, whats going on, whats our status We were also never public as we work together in the same company and so he also said he couldn't handle the fact that we work in the same company.
I'm so sorry he played you that way. Do you even feel it's fair for you to even be "friends" with this person? From your post, what I see is a man who has major issues with intimacy, that's why he chose a woman who is unavailable. He feels safer with her because he subconsciously knows she is not fully available to him. No pressure, no commitment, no intimacy.
Is that the kind of man you want for yourself? Also, you might want to ask yourself how you would say you love someone you didn't actually get to know well. Hiding behind chatting and Skype is another way to stay away and avoid real intimacy. Hi Jane You write this article with the assumption the relationship he has with the other girl is emotionally bereft - not on a deep emotionally connected level.
But what about when it is? Then we can't use this excuse of "he just wanted someone who didn't make him confront his commitment issues". This is where i get stuck with your article. I'm in this position right now also. He tells me he loves and acknowledges our deep emotional connection and in the same breath tells me he doesn't want a relationship. THIS is so hard to understand!!! I've also learned that he is sleeping with someone and questioned him on that relationship and while not denying that other relationship he maintains his deep feelings for me.
I've decided to cut him off from the comfort of the "personal relationship" he's been getting from me, but I'm still sad and mourning the loss myself. I've decided that anytime he sees me now, he will have to watch a string confident woman interacting and charming everybody around her but him. It's the only way I feel I can rebuild myself to the happy, confident woman I was before I ever fell for him. Hi, Jane!
I was seeing a guy for a couple of months when he eventually told me he wasn't looking for a relationship now, he just didn't feel like he wanted to spend so much time on someone other than himself, like you have to in a relationship.
He claimed this would go for anyone, he really just wanted to be alone right now. Before this we had matched on tinder, -that's not how we met or anything, but I thought it was a fun thing. Now I see he's deleted his account a couple of weeks after he "dumped" me, and it makes me scared that he's already found someone who was worth deleting the app for. Of course I don't know anything for sure, but I want to stop worrying about all of this.
I know it'll hurt my self-esteem when it's confirmed that he's found someone he wants to be with, and we all know that will happen sooner or later. Do you have any advice on how to prepare for that? Hi Jane, Do you have any insight as to why a man who acknowledges a deep emotional connection with a lady but remains insistent on not wanting a relationship with her.
I can't get my head wrapped around this!! Why would he tell me he loves but doesn't want a relationship. A realize I need to move on, I just don't understand what he has to gain by dangling the carrot, but never letting me reach it. Can you offer any advice? I've been there so many times and i remember wanting to understand why so badly. Through the years I have learned that it doesn't matter why he says and does what he does. The bottom line is he is not right for you.
No analyzing, or changing or doing or whatever will change that. Keep on moving and looking for a better fit for you.
In the meantime, what you can do if you haven't already is get to know yourself better. Is this a pattern? Why are you hung up on this person? This should give you insights into yourself so that next time you are better equipped to judge if a man is good for you or not.
The only man you want to give your time to is the one who is always there for you and who shows you with words and actions that you're his girl. You won't even wonder if he loves you with that man. You can't wrap your head around it because it flies in the face of all that is common sense, OneStep.
It's not you!
But you can't understand him and where he's coming from by trying to understand yourself and what you would do if you were him. He operates from a protected place of shame around an image of himself that he must maintain in order to be loved and accepted.
The deeper this goes, the more it's protected and the more of this conflicting, back and forth behavior you're going to see. Thus, the extent to which he gives you conflicted messages is the extent to which HE is conflicted within himself. I go into much greater detail on this in my audio program - " Why Men Pull Away ". Your most important takeaway is that it really isn't you, it's who you represent that creates the trigger in him that causes him to as you say, dangle the carrot but never let you reach it.
A perfect message for those still seeking answers from a relationship that was emotionally unfulfilling. Emotionally unavailable people do not wish to look within or actually FEEL the feelings that come with true intimacy, good or bad.
Do yourself a favor, find the relationship that can give you what you've been craving the most, a beautiful, deep connection. You deserve it, and you deserve someone on your emotional level, wherever that may be. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartache. Well this is exactly what was prescribed for my discombobulated mind.
And lo' and behold one day I wake up and they're dating someone they end up marrying usually 4 to 6 months later which is right about when I want to burn all the things and sink in a whole of pity parties and I suck at this love thing : i want a joker or an ace or whatever makes me win this darn 'the one ' they speak of- where is he anyway and why was this guy pretending to be him this whole time never mind the red flags I saw and ignored - this is not part of the conversation I have at pity parties because I m in victim mode you see?
I unsettle them ya don't say How are you supposedly so charismatic and amazing that someone chooses to stay away from you? I suspect people are just trying to Truman show me by making me feel better. So, When it's a pattern, it can't be all them- the common denominator is me. I have done all the therapies, ,coachings, hypnosis, past life regressionsLOA, inner child things - Im out of things to fix and really can't be arsed anymore because I still lost this last time he just got married last month but hey at least they dated for 7 months this time yay!
You could even say he kinda met her because of me I feel like I'm in my best friends wedding the movie.
Granted they have a self declared fear of commitment in commonbut I somehow find myself being this amazing beautiful driving force in their lives that makes everything better Because I'm tall, charismatic with a great rack I met a guy 2 years ago and we really hit it off. He seemed really into me and I liked him, but over time it became obvious he was always trying to keep it casual. He'd even described his prior dating life and nothing more than casual relationships. Because of my own issues, I could never get passed that for some reason.
Even after i broke it off with him for the third time, I might ad I still felt like I was waiting for him to get it together and come looking for a second chance. It turned into me never truly letting go. Every couple of months we'd even see each other, but it never went back to the way it was when we first met. Eventually I told him this pattern made me feel bad and I didn't like it and he said he understood.
And then for some reason, I saw him one more time after that. We didn't sleep together, but it wasn't for lack of him thinking we would and me shutting it down and probably sending extremely mixed signals, and having "a conversation" on top of it all That was 5 months ago.
Seems that shortly after that encounter, he met some girl, started dating her, and made it "Facebook official" recently, and even brought her to xmas dinner with the family! I don't know whether to feel used and hate him or to hate myself. I had finally convinced myself that this guy was incapable of giving a real relationship to someone and it made me feel better about the fact that he never gave that to me, but now suddenly it's thrown in my face.
It makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me, that I don't bring that side of people out.
He's still the same person. Just because you see his highlights on Facebook, it doesn't mean that all of a sudden he turned into the perfect man, nor that his relationship is what you want for yourself.
Don't fall into that trap. Instead, figure out why you didn't let go when you knew deep down you had to. That's an important piece.
Figure out why you would ever be willing to keep it casual with someone who doesn't want you when you want and deserve so much more. Neither, J. You knew, but then, we always do. Doesn't mean we listen or trust ourselves. You do bring that side of people out - but with the people who are you peeps, not the ones who were never capable of being yours to begin with. You wouldn't want them anyway!! Yes this happen to me this year after we both lost our child a son he name Tristan Michael.
I notice the signs evertime he's here in town he always takes his phone with him into the bathroom. We do live together for two years. We talk about marriage. He lost his wife for 24 years. I have him time to grieve his wife and his daughter who's I respect him and his family alright met for two years. This women he claims he knows for years. Its not right to cheat when we both lost our child and went out of town for 6 months and still going.
But to see her. How difficult to go through such a great loss and then this. Please know that there's nothing wrong with you, only that we always put these things on ourselves and let the judgement rest on us. He's going to be who he was always going to be - it's a myth and a lie that we believe we have to be the ones to change this or that we're not women enough to bring him around.
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This is him showing you more of who he is - this is the part that matters - where he goes and what he does when you're both hurting so much right now. Do you really want someone who can treat you like this? Your beautiful breaking heart deserves to be loved, to be respected and never to be cheated on. Fell in love with my friend's ex's best friend and thought my life would change for the better forever because I had never felt such happiness and comfort.
That is until he started making excuses as to why we wouldn't suit being in an official relationship despite spending so much time together, all our friends knowing and me being cool with his siblings etc It was like he had a girlfriend but didn't know or want to accept it. We were on and off seeing eachother for over two years and because he was always a bit of a lazy bum, even during our 'off' periods, I'd help and encourage him to start taking life more seriously.
Unlike me who still lives at home, he now has his own place and is making a good living. I recently helped him secure a new well paid job and I've been unhappy in mine so I was trying to reach out to him for that same encouragement I'd given him and when I finally got hold of him he was really nonchalant and unpleasant then proceeded to tell me he's seeing someone new which explained his tone.
Though I could of been rude, I killed him with kindness by congratulating him. All of a sudden his tone changed and then he tried to backtrack and be helpful by offering to help me find vacancies.
This weird behaviour is what let's me know deep down he's not the one yet he knows no girl could ever replace how much of myself I gave to him because I've always supported him and been a positive force in his life.
Chemistry does not determine your compatibility with someone and as much as I want to be there for him I know it'll only be a matter of time before he's draining me emotionally and I don't deserve that.
No, you don't deserve that, Gigi. I'm so glad this helped to confirm what you already knew. See that? You already knew. Trust yourself. That moves more mountains and creates more possibilities than anything you can ever do. I dated him for 6-months and during that time I thought our relationship was naturally progressing into something serious but at the end it didn't.
I feel responsible for allowing this to continue as long as it did. Turns out he is deciding to go back with his ex the mother of his child do be more involved in the child's life. He claims he's having to put up with her bs in order to be in his sons life. In all honesty she's using the child as a pawn to get what she wants from him. It's hurtful and painful and I wasted 6-months of my life with this man and at the end I got dumped.
There were a few red flags I ignored which I would've walked out sooner. Love is truly blind. They're happy and I am mourning the relationship. I am sure he still has strong feelings for this woman despite the fact that she put him through hell by cheating and having an affair with his friend and walking out ok him.
I met my 'first love' when I was 18 he was 21 and a brother of a very good friend of mine.
Dec 16, It's a frustrating conundrum I've heard from countless women: "Why her and not me?" You stick it out and give him some of your best years, only for the relationship to fizzle and for him Author: Madamenoire. Feb 01, Omg! This reminds me of this great guy I was dating years ago. This may not sound like an answer to your question just yet, however, it may give you some clarity to your concerns Back in my high school senior days, there was this guy named Q th. More often than not, though, a "convenience girl" situation is more about the girl really wanting to have some sort of relationship with the guy and the guy's interest begins and ends at sex. MORE - Ask a Guy: Does He Just Want Sex?. If you have a situation where the guy only contacts you when he wants sex, then that's your answer to "why is he with me?".Author: Eric Charles.
He seemed really keen at first but then for the next two years he couldn't make up his mind of whether he wanted to be with me and he kept telling me he liked me but couldnt commit to a relationship. I then went to University and was devastated when he got into a committed relationship with someone she was quite a bit younger than me.
Mar 22, He's physically attracted to you but not showing any real interest in a committed relationship or even a casual dating experience. How attraction happens for a guy and how it's different from being interested in you. What makes a man interested in a woman. What he needs to feel. How to create interest and more. Why did he block me? Anonymous Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months now he told me he flirts with other girls all the time. Shall I leave it?People flirt. He may even tell you he's changed but that's not the truth, in my case he would't tell me even though I asked when he got into a relationship with her, he only said it didn't overlap and that again "he's not that kind of guy" but it doesn't matter, what matters is that he's still emotionally unavailable, selfish, narcissistic, controlling.
He then moved to Australia with this girl but after two years they split up and I had a message from him telling me he was coming home, he came home and as we are part of the same friendship group I saw him quite a lot, he said he had made a lot of mistakes with me and that he wanted to try again, I said no at first but then we started seeing each other again again he never wanted to quite commit and then a few weeks ago he turned up to a social gathering with his new partner again a lot younger and very different to me.
I have since blocked him from all forms of communication but I still have this horrible pain about why he couldn't commit to me but could again commit to others twice.
It has been six years in total since we met so it also feels like such a waste. My story is the following, I recently re-encounter a girl for whom I felt a strong chemistry at first sight about 3 years ago. After randomly meeting this girl for the first time we didn't exchange contacts, but then we randomly saw each other again and I realised that she had a boyfriend with whom she was living.
I accepted the fact, became friend with her boyfriend and never interfered in their relationship. After some months we randomly saw each other and she told me that their relationship was not going well and asked me where was I hanging out and told me that she never knows about me.
Again, I didn't tell much about myself at that point because I respected both of them. After like 2 months she invited me for an exhibition and I felt very happy, replied positively as I thought that their situation was clear, but suddenly she told me that she left the exhibition earlier than she expected and that she would invite me later, haven't heard from her for a long time.
Due to my work instability I returned to my country for 16 months. Some months after being back to my country I wrote to this girl, asked her how she was doing, and she replied to me months afterwards saying that she missed my presence and so on. I wrote back to her immediately and she didn't reply Months afterwards, in september, I congratulate her for her birthday, she replied "My dear, I would love to see you again, I will be in Edinburgh in mid November and would love to see you, think about that".
I made a fairy tale out of my head, thought about it and wrote to her in October saying that going to Edinburgh for a weekend wouldn't suit me because it would be too expensive but that I could visit her in the city where she was living as I still had stuff do to there and could possibly maybe spend some weeks there.
She told me "I have to tell you something, there were changes, I will leave this country in order to live with my boyfriend, I have to figure out if he is the man of my life. But you can still come and stay for a few weeks if you wish".
Apr 10, Funny thing is, this happened to me just under a couple months ago. I was mad, I was upset, I felt worthless and replaceable. But then I remembered something important I'm not replaceable. And one else on this planet is, either. After some deeper. He had just gotten out of a bad divorce and told me that he probably did not want to get married or have children. But everything else was good, he always told me he loved me, sex was amazing we got along really well and spent a lot of time together etc.
I told her that I made a totally different story out of my mind and that it wouldn't make sense to visit her I told her that I was even afraid of visiting her for the fact that we could get well along with each other and for me there would be no meaning of moving back to that country without a job.
She replied "we are so naive, like children, I thought the same" Now the funny part, I found a job and returned to the country and city where we were both living and that she left in order to live with her boyfriend.
After few months upon my return she returned as well, I knew that she was around but didn't tell her anything. She saw me in the street and wrote to me, we met, she told me that her relationship didn't work out. We suddenly got involved, for her I was already the man of her life, and although I like this girl, I am used to be single since a long time and somehow felt like being drag into something very quickly The situation is, although I like this girl I felt easily suffocated since the beginning of this relationship, felt a lot of expectations and somehow obligations coming from her side, and I didn't and still don't know how to manage.
I confronted her with the fact that she is jumping from relationship to relationship and she felt pissed off and even cried when I mentioned that. She never wanted to assume that she thought about me as more than a friend when she was previously in a relation and invited me to see her Since we started seeing each other I suffered from anxiety, I didn't feel prepared to match her needs, I felt more attracted to other women than when I was alone, I felt the need of being free and uncompromised as I am used to be since a long time, mixed feelings I was sincere and told her everything that was going through my head, she cried already several times.
During this 3 months in which we were in contact this relation oscillated in circles, but last time I decided to put an end for obvious reasons To say that this whole situation provoked me a lot of mix feelings, lots of anxiety and during these days I am recovering from all that I think of this girl tenderly but didn't feel prepared to give want she wants and I actually think that she is the one rushing, wanting commitment and reassurance since the beginning, and although the relationship has improved since then and she stopped being so pushy I always felt her expectations regarding myself and this relationship.
It sounds like you've got this figured out, John. Time to find someone on the same page as you who takes things slow and doesn't have anyone else living with them. You deserve nothing less!