You can begin paraphrasing by saying:. If you aren't sure what your partner is saying, it's important to ask. Sometimes it can be difficult to ask clarifying questions if you feel emotionally charged about what they're talking about. Keep in mind that asking questions can help you work through whatever you are talking about together. You can try asking:. Healthy communication skills are a part of having a loving, honest, and caring relationship.

Does your date pass the 'sandbox' test? — Susan Winter

And then I realize how radical it is to assert my own right to pleasure in a world that wants nothing more than to steal it from me. I have more vocabulary to talk about the ways I experience desire and pleasure, I do not withdraw in shame when it is time to discuss how I like to be touched or spoken to or engaged.

Previously, I had felt the need to explain my worth to partners, to entice them with my humor or intelligence, bartering these gifts for their attention despite the darkness and largeness of my body.

There are defeating moments where I am reminded how little love the world has for dark-skinned girls.

I celebrate the soft dark parts of me, the places I hid from my early lovers, the pieces I try not to recoil from, myself.