Something has happened to us in the past. Whether it was family related, a past relationship, or our own personal monsters, we have put up walls. These walls are put up to help protect ourselves. So before dating us, here are a few things you need to know. These were already here so do not ever blame yourself.
They tell you that you need a lot of more proof and actions before you trust someone. They tell you not to feel.
Loving someone who has walls up is not a careless decision. It takes a conscious commitment to assign yourself as the one to take the first strike at the concrete surrounding their heart. These are people who have painted over their fragile skin with instant-ready cement, blocking out the feel of fingerprints and the echo of empty promises.
They tell you not to believe. And maybe these walls protect you from heartbreak and disappointment.
2. We don't really want to talk about it
Sometimes it just pushes them away without us even trying. Sometimes they prevent us from heartbreak but they also prevent us from love.
They prevent us from seeing the beauty of the little things that actually matter. So much to feel.
4. Emotional walls come from a legitimate place. The reaction to hurt - physical, emotional, or mental - can be to shut down and to shut others out. This is an exhausting, entrenched habit and reaction and one that takes hard, uncomfortable work to undo and then even more hard, uncomfortable work to learn new ways. And this hard. When your boyfriend puts up an emotional barrier, it can feel like he is working hard to keep you from building an intimate relationship with him. However, it is important to realize that emotional barriers are usually put up for a variety of reasons. If you value the person that he is and want to continue getting to. So you keep building these walls. You keep people at arm's length. You become emotionally unavailable when you like someone. You'd rather let that person go instead of letting them in because it's safer this way. This is how you protect your heart. This is you how you don't get hurt. This is how you treat anyone you meet like they're.
So much to love. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time.
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And the reality is, that person doesn't exist anymore. So your old mechanisms are protecting someone who doesn't exist and the today you doesn't need someone else's armor.
Dating someone with emotional walls
And this new person in your life isn't the one who hurt you. What worked then won't serve you now. Emotional walls come from a legitimate place.
The reaction to hurt - physical, emotional, or mental - can be to shut down and to shut others out. This is an exhausting, entrenched habit and reaction and one that takes hard, uncomfortable work to undo and then even more hard, uncomfortable work to learn new ways. And this hard, uncomfortable work, can only be done by you.
I've learned these truths about myself by flipping over one tiny puzzle piece at a time.
Realizing that I won't break from heartache was one. That not every relationship is a keeper was another. That this is OK was a third.
How To Help An Emotionally Unavailable Man Share His Feelings - 6 Ways To Make Him Emotionally Open
That I can't predict how things will turn out, that relationships change, that this isn't a negative reflection of me were all truths I needed to learn and to keep as my own and that I sometimes need to be reminded of. The flip side of this coin is not beating yourself up for wall building being your go-to.
It's an imperfection, for sure, but it's also just a part of you. Once you're aware of it, you get to step back and decide if a situation or a person are wall-worthy.
And more often than not, they aren't. But they just might be love-relationship-friendship-worthy. Once you see this, then one puzzle piece at a time, you can step away from your walls and toward people instead.
Are you an emotional wall builder?
4 Truths About Women Who Put Up Emotional Walls
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